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Sincerely

by Graeme Kennedy

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1.
Private Man 03:58
Daddy used to drink for the government, Mama never had to ask – every night she mopped up where the money went. He used to get kicked around when Daddy had a foot free, when he wasn’t running off or teaching Mama in the teeth, so he did a little running of his own when he turned sixteen. Now he knows there are people with less of a chance so he doesn’t go on about his circumstance. He doesn’t want to go out and hurt nobody so he found a place that don’t cost much money. He works odd jobs whenever he can. He’s a private man… People in town call him bitter and blue. Everybody’s got a story about him – none of them are true. Every now and then the mailman comes around, dropping off the bills on the way into town. Every envelope he opens has another envelope within. There’s a phone on the wall, but it don’t ring. There’s a voice in his head, but it won’t sing. He believes giving it a stage would be a sin. People in town call him bitter and blue. Everybody’s got a story about him – none of them are true. When he was on the run back when he was sixteen, he ran into a girl in a whiskey-soaked dream. He took her to an alley and did what he’d been taught to do. He woke up with blood on his hands, got caught by the cops and dragged to the can. He did his time and now he’s a private man. People in town call him bitter and blue. Everybody’s got a story about him – none of them are true.
2.
We started building a fire. We let the flames run wild until they hit the shoreline. Then we started on wine so we could stumble through the ashes all night – kings until the sunrise. Last night we drank the dregs, a sobering toast to the state of our affair, to our rising ghost. It seems we’ve had our day, now time has had her way. I wouldn’t want to stay another minute… I want to cry when I think about it. I just want to die when I think about another minute with you. You’re still hanging around - it’s no surprise. Since I met you you’ve been sleeping in the corner of my eye. Well I got something to tell you. I’ve got something to say that’s gonna make you realize… I want to cry when I think about it – another minute with you I just want to die when I think about it – another minute with you Didn’t we used to have fun? I want to cry when I think about it. Let’s just get this done so we can start to forget about it. You say, “Don’t you want to know if the wheels still roll? Don’t you want to try just one more time? We got a little off track, we gotta get back to when they played our song on the radio. They used to play our song on the radio… I want to cry when I think about it – another minute with you I just want to die when I think about it – another minute with you Didn’t we used to have fun? I want to cry when I think about it. Let’s just get this done so we can start to forget about it.
3.
There’s a bird at my window looking in, whistling a silly little song with a foolish grin. I’m looking out, feeling like I’ve got nothing to sing about. The sun’s coming up on the steeple across the street. There’s a silver cross glowing up in the air about fifty feet. I’m looking out, feeling like I’ve got nothing to sing about. I’m watching the day go by, the same way I did yesterday. Like a bird, like a steeple, you’ve got no use for people when you live this high. At a busy bar on a brilliant day, I’ve got a table just for one. The river’s high with melted ice. The winter’s on the run. The streets are flooded with people on their way to some parade. I’ve got nothing to say to anyone, what could I have to celebrate? I’m watching the day go by, the same way I did yesterday. Like a bird, like a steeple, you’ve got no use for people when you live this high. The banks are calling - they want to hang me up. My baby’s been sipping at an empty cup. I’ve made so much effort not to work to hard, went to such great lengths no to go to far. I made so much smoke I couldn’t find the fire. I’m watching the day go by, the same way I did yesterday. Like a bird, like a steeple, you’ve got no use for people when you live this high.
4.
I’m a christian I’m a jew I’m a muslim I’m a hindu I’m a punk I’m a gypsy I’m a folkie I’m a hippie I’m a hooker with a pimp I’m a veteran with a limp I’m a cop with a gun I’m a junkie on the run I’m a protestor with a picket sign I’m a coat made of baby lion I’m a yuppie I’m a hick I’m a magician with a trick – I can be anything you hate. I know you feel better when you dominate. I’m a dreamer I’m an insomniac I’m catatonic I’m a maniac I’m a truck driver blue collar five to nine and nine to fiver I’m a preacher I’m a priest I’m a beauty I’m a beast I’m a husband I’m a creep I’m a censor I’m a bleep I’m a faggot I’m a dyke I don’t know what I like I’m a vaccine a sickness I’m a magician with a trick, yes – I can be anything you hate. I know you feel better when you dominate. I’m a good time bad drunk john with a full trunk sodomizer colonizer missionary proselytizer geriatric pediatric killer hiding in the attic vagrant drifter a philanthropist a shoplifter gangbanger party posse navy seal kamikaze communist a pacifist a patriot a fascist I’m a little guy I’m a big prick I’m a magician and I’ve got a trick – I can be anything you hate. I know you feel better when you dominate. You can hop a high horse and ride with hate, but there ain’t no pride in joining that parade. Ride on.
5.
You don’t need to know where I’m going. You don’t need to know where I’ve been. You see the storm on the horizon. You see the beast in me rising, and you do what no one else knows how…you settle me down. I was born to rage. I was raised to run. By the time you came around, I was a bullet without a gun. I was a fast car, broken down. - All fury, no sound – until you did what no one else knew how - you settled me down. There’s a certain kind of morning, it comes like a thief in the night, silent without warning. I wake up halfway out the door until you do what no one else knows how. You say ‘We’re all born with our hands as fists.’ But you say, ‘We’re all born to evolve beyond all this.’ I was a fast car, broken down. - All fury, no sound – until you did what no one else knew how - you settled me down. I have moments of darkness, when all I feel is a weight. These moments of darkness, well they sometimes last for days and days. Then I see a light on the horizon. I feel a faith in me rising. I was a fast car, broken down. - All fury, no sound – until you did what no one else knew how - you settled me down.
6.
I finished highschool, it’s all that I could do. I packed up my empty head, a notebook, and a rolling bed. I know my limitations. I can’t build a perfect nation. There are far too many books I’ve never read. I don’t care much for policy. I don’t understand the economy. I guess I’m glad somebody does, but it ain’t for me. I do know this: I’m a pacifist. I just might be a socialist, though I’ll admit to you, I don’t quite know what that means. I don’t have the answers that will satisfy, I’m just not that bright. But my folks raised me a sensitive man, so I can tell you when something don’t feel right… Something don’t feel right. I don’t know oil from a hole in the ground, but I’ve filled my tank in refinery towns. Towns with logging mills, and towns with fisheries and I’m telling you, there’s a running theme. It’s become so clear to me that drinking is our industry and there’s more than money spent. It humbles me, and it rattles me that I need that drinking crowd to make my rent. See, I don’t have the answers that will satisfy, I’m just not that bright. But my folks raised me a sensitive man, so I can tell you when something don’t feel right… Something don’t feel right. I’ll go on ahead and survey the land. A wiser man than me can come and build it up by hand. I don’t have the answers that will satisfy, I’m just not that bright. But my folks raised me an honest man, so I’m gonna tell you when something don’t feel right… Something don’t feel right.
7.
There’s no peace in the valley Walk down and see I guarantee you’ll find trouble. There’s no justice on that hill No mercy, no goodwill People everywhere are left to suffer. Well I have no faith in your justice, and I find no rest in your peace. Only my one and only satisfies me… I want more than eternity. I’m not trying to be somebody I’m not trying to walk around like I own this town. If you see me stepping with a certainty it’s because I’ve got what I need… Now I want more than eternity. I rest assured that everything will take it’s course, though I wouldn’t mind a little marriage before the great divorce.
8.
So Blue 03:09
You always wore your lips in red. Kissed and crumpled tissues bloomed like Bourbon roses in the bin beside your bed. We were just kids when you first stained my skin. Your slow touch set the anchor in. I believed with youthful certainty that as you were you’d always be. Why did you have to go… So Blue With a wit like wind, and a laugh on fire, you were as gentle and as balanced as any sparrow on a wire. Your eyes – so deep and wide I could no take them whole, though in meek and measured glances found that through them lay your soul. Tell me, why’d you have to go… So Blue If eyes are the window of the soul, then lips are the mirror of the mind. I watched yours quiver, thin, and crack before my eyes. Now just the thought of you and your blood-red smile, such a simple memory, I’ll think it twice before I let my mind wander off into your arms. That’s where I go blue… So Blue
9.
You try to move me to where you think ain’t, but I’m a revolutionary, not a painting of a saint. You try to portray me in statues made of glass. Remember that when I came to town I was riding on a ragged ass….Don’t try to improve me. You try to play me, writing my name on the side of your gun. You try to wave me like a flag when the war is won. You try to claim me as a General to your troops. Just remember that when they were kicking me around I did nothing but kiss their boots… Don’t’ try to improve me. I can cast a demon into a herd of wild pigs. I can stop the thunder with a breath stepping over my lip. You’re free to simplify me, beautify me, crucify me if you can. Just remember that you’re talking about the only man who answers to the name ‘I Am’… Don’t try to improve me.

about

Graeme Kennedy's debut solo album.

credits

released August 26, 2015

All songs written by Graeme Kennedy
Produced & Engineered by Shawn Bradley
at Fadernoise Recording
Mixed by Jon Drew
Additional musicians:
Jeremy Boyd - Bass
Matt Paige - Drums
Ralph Carney - Saxophone
Shawn Bradley - Saxophone

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Graeme Kennedy Peterborough, Ontario

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